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Sunday, June 15, 2014

I'm Not The Angry Daughter Anymore, Tatay...


image from google
The month of June is the month for Fathers - Daddy, Papa, Tatay, Ama - however you call them. Thanks to the advertisements and the social media, we are reminded to think about them on Father's Day.

I have read some articles of daughters, sons and mothers talk about the greatest man of their lives. I guess it's time for me to talk about mine.

To tell you the truth, I really don't know much about my Tatay. He wasn't around as I was growing up because my Nanay kicked him out of our house when I was 6. I remember how confused I was with what was going on while my little brother, who's a year younger than I am, cried so hard as if he knew what was happening. And I just stood there as I watched my father leave.

I basically grew up in a household without a father figure. My mother being a working Mom didn't have all the time to really look after us. So we basically do whatever we want as long as we're there when she gets home from work. Until one day, in my freshman year in high school, my father came back. It felt surreal but he was there at our doorstep, looking all surprised seeing his all-grown up teenage daughter. I was dumbfounded but I think I felt happy about him being home. That was the first time I remember I sat on his lap. Finally, I have my Tatay home with me.

It wasn't long before he discovered how rebellious I was. He wanted me to just stay at home and do the unending chores he's expecting his little girl to accomplish. We didn't get along because of his rules and because I was an angry kid. I didn't know how to express my feelings about everything. I did not really give myself a chance to get to know my father. I kept my distance from him.

I just knew him as a man for the oppressed laborers. He represented them along with his colleagues in the union. Yes, my father was an activist. One of the great men of KMU (Kilusang Mayo Uno). A lot of people looked up to him but me. Well, again, because I was an angry kid.

Looking back, I knew my father tried his very best to reach out to me. He bought me nice clothes, chocolates and boxes of fresh milk and whitening soap whenever he came home from work. It's funny because he wanted me to stay at home so that my skin won't get sunburned. That's what the soaps and boxes of milk were for. So when he learned of me joining the softball varsity team, he was so mad that he set up the 6 o'clock curfew. I had to rush home after the games. 

I was a tomboy and he wanted very much for me to be lady-like. I remember how happy he was when he learned I was taking piano lessons. He was there when I won first place on my piano recital. That was the only time we had our picture taken together. 

I remember the last day I saw my father. He asked me to take care of the house and my mother. Him and my brother were leaving for Manila that day. He told me to take very good care of myself. I can't remember if there were hugs and kisses, though. But for some odd reason, I felt it was our last time to see each other. I was so sad as I watched him leave and I cried profusely. After a month or so, he died of cardiac arrest.

I didn't know if I ever made my father proud when he was alive. All I know is he loved how I make his coffee and that he appreciated how tedious I was when it comes to ironing his clothes. I know in those simple gestures, I was able to make him happy. 

If I wasn't an angry kid most of the time, I would have had that chance of a "father-daughter talk" that I always dreamed of. If I wasn't an angry daughter, I would've known my father even better. There are just a lot of "what ifs" for me. All because I let my anger take over me most of the time. If he's still alive today, I'd thank him for my life and that I'm proud to be a daughter of an activist. I'd hug and kiss him once in a while. I would love to know more about him if only I did not waste so much time hating.We may have different views in life, but I'd tell him it's alright. I would love to listen to him now. 

I think he would be proud of me this time. I have changed, Tatay. I'm not the angry little kid anymore. If only you can see me now.

My father is Aurelio G. Cruz - an intelligent union leader.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads in the world...

Thursday, June 12, 2014

See You On Weekend!

It has been months of blog hiatus. You might be wondering what happened during months of absence. Nothing much, really. I haven't married, as well. And I'm guessing my boyfriend isn't shopping for masonic rings at joyjewelers.com to put on my finger for sure. We're not ready for that big thing either. Although we talk about it sometimes. :)

I really have a lot of stories to tell. Just give me time. I have time right now but I'm sick and couldn't concentrate on writing because my boyfriend's nephews are singing "Let It Go" in the background- out loud! Lol!

I hope I can go back to writing something good this weekend. I'll be back, I promise! ;)

Monday, June 9, 2014

I'm Still Here

image from google

I'm not really good at keeping promises - especially to myself. I let my 2 blogs down, once again. More than two months of hiatus! How that happened? I just went completely lazy. Too lazy to even make a 60-word article.

But I never thought of turning my back on my blogs. I just couldn't that. My blogs have been here for years already. Besides, I really don't want to give up writing per se. No matter how lame I write. I still want to put the words in my mind into writing. I just have to learn how to improve my writing skills. I know I still suck but I honestly want to write like a pro.

I remember the movie "Finding Forrester". It's about an intelligent young man who dreamed of becoming a writer. He found a mentor, William Forrester (Sean Connery) who taught him to write from the heart. It's that scene in the movie that stuck in my mind - Forrester teaching the kid how to write at the same time talk about something different with what he was writing. He just wrote eloquently from the heart. I really wish I can write like that.

I know it's been years that I've been blogging but I'm still not confident with my writing skill. But please bear with me. I'm still educating myself and hopefully in time, I'd be able to write some good ones.

I don't want to promise to blog at all times. But I'm still here. Just so you all know.